10 Divorce Secrets

Unfortunately, people considering divorce either fail to take any action, or make the wrong decision, because they have misconceptions about divorce. Don't let this happen to you!

When making a divorce decision, there are some things that you should consider. Our goal at ReliableDivorce is to assist you as much as possible.  You will see our level of commitment when you become a ReliableDivorce customer.  Divorce is really too important to leave to just anyone.  Make sure you choose the right company to assist you.  ReliableDivorce is backed by a 100% money back guarantee, and is a member of the BBB (Better Business Bureau) in good standing.

The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:

1.            Don't let a judge decide for you.

The minute you (or your spouse) go to court and ask a judge to decide your divorce for you, you give up nearly all of the control you have over the process. If you want to keep your money instead of giving it to a lawyer, and if you want to maintain control over your life, DO NOT LITIGATE. Go to court only as a last resort, only if all else fails. Try negotiation, try mediation, try collaborative divorce, try settlement conferences but do not litigate. You may win at trial, but at what cost? Will you be able to dance with your former spouse at your child's wedding? Probably not. Litigation is destructive, expensive and gut wrenching. Litigate only if you have no other option. Litigation is, unfortunately, necessary in some cases. There will always be people that just can not agree no matter how hard you try. Reserve litigation for the most desperate situations.

2.            Do a cost-benefit analysis.

In divorce, it is easy to get caught up in the emotion and make all of your decisions from that vantage point. This can be a mistake though; spending some time analyzing your case from a logical, cost-benefit perspective can pay dividends. Keep your eye on the ball and stay focused on getting the divorce finished so you can move on with your life. It is not uncommon for divorcing people to do things like spend $500 to get a $100 microwave oven. Don't do it. If you can't see a clear connection between your actions and achieving a final resolution of your case, then don't take that action. 

 

3.            Know and identify your priorities.

Frequently people going through a divorce find that their priorities change throughout the process. The things that they thought were most important when they began the process are not necessarily the same things that are most important at the conclusion. It is important that you review your priorities regularly, with your lawyer or on your own, so that you are always mindful of things that matter to you most. Staying on top of your own priorities allows you to keep your lawyer informed and better use the divorce process to obtain the results that your care most passionately about. 

 

 

4.            Remain Flexible.

One of the most common mistakes people make when they begin a divorce is to decide that they absolutely, positively must have A, B, and C, and nothing else will be sufficient. Remaining flexible in the divorce process allows you to critically and impartially analyze all of the issues as they arise. This is especially true for people who have reviewed their priorities throughout the process (see # 3 above). Knowing what you want, and being flexible in your approach to getting it, can often mean the difference between success and frustration.

5.            Educate yourself.

Knowledge can be your greatest ally. Research the divorce laws of your state, whether through a local law library or the internet. ReliableDivorce.com has researched the laws in your State, and has the divorce forms that your State uses.  This makes the process easier for you, because the court clerk and the Judges are familiar with the documents, and can more easily process your divorce.

 6.            Divorce Online Service - Why Should We Lose Money and Time Applying For Divorce?

Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly. Today it is possible to fill in a tax declaration, apply for bankruptcy or to receive a legal consultation. And there are sites offering online divorce services.  It is very important that you use a service that guarantees that you will be divorced, and only used the most up-to-date, State-specific forms. 

 

It is usually easier to marry than to divorce, especially if the spouses who wish to do so must divide their common property as well.

 

Divorce is extremely difficult business in rich families. For wealthy Americans in this case, it is accepted that the former husband or wife may pay rather large sums of money for the divorce process. It is not enough that the divorce in itself involves strong emotional stress, so they also pay an extra thousand on top of the $10-20,000 to lawyers to carry out this occupation, and sometimes it is even more.

 

Why should we lose the money and time applying for divorce, if there is the cheap and fast alternative - divorce online. You find the site, take your mouse, you press on the button - and you are a divorced person. With a minimum of formalities, as in Las Vegas, for the conclusion of a failed marriage appears the divorce.

 

To terminate a marriage, you can utilize ReliableDivorce.com and get your divorce completed for only $249, plus the courts filing fee.

 

People who hate discussing and relaying specific instances in dialogues with lawyers use the services of ReliableDivorce.com.  In the virtual world of divorce, the couple that does not require court, after inputting all necessary data for divorce, merely prints the forms, signs them, and sends them to the judge. That is all.

 

The high cost of lawyers has not forced people to refuse divorce. The deep reasons for divorce lie in the emotional - sensual sphere.  ReliableDivorce.com is here to help you with your divorce, and help you get your divorce completed quickly, and without the high cost of an attorney.

 

7.            Learn how to make an agreement with your spouse.

Here are ten specific things you can do to help yourself. These steps will help you deal with the obstacles so you can get down to negotiation. Use it as a checklist to make sure you've built a good foundation for your negotiations. If you run into trouble later, come back and double-check these steps.

 

 a. Make some "New Life" resolutions: Start thinking of yourself as a whole and separate person. You may feel wounded, but you are healing and becoming whole and complete. Keep that picture in mind. Pain and confusion are part of healing. 

Let go of old attachments, old dreams, old patterns that don't work; this is your chance to build new ones. Decide you will not be a victim of your spouse or the system or yourself. You will not try to change or control your spouse--that's all over now, it doesn't work, it's contrary to the meaning of divorce. 

Concentrate on yourself, especially on your own actions. You can do something about what your spouse does by changing what you do. 

Concentrate on your physical health, your work, children, friends. Try to become quiet and calm. Keep your life as simple as possible.

 

b.   Insulate and protect your children: Involving children will surely harm them and upset both parents as well. Keep them well away from the divorce. Tell them the truth in simple terms they can understand, but don't discuss the divorce or your problems in front of them. Don't involve the children or pass messages through them. Don't let them hear you argue or hear you criticize their other parent. 

Let your children know you both love them and will always be their mother and father, no matter what happens between you.

 

c.   Get safe, stable and secure, just for a while. Your first and most important job is to do whatever you must to arrange short-term safety, stability, and security for yourself, the children, and your spouse--in that order. 

This doesn't mean forever, just for a month or a few months at a time. Don't be concerned yet about the long-term or the final outcome, and we're talking about minimum conditions here, not your old standard of living. 

Don't even try to do anything else until minimum conditions are met. 

You can't negotiate if you don't know where you will live, how you will eat, if you are afraid for your safety, or if you think your house is about to be foreclosed or your car repossessed.

 

d.   Agree on temporary arrangements: If you can work out your own temporary arrangements, you won't need an attorney to get temporary court orders. 

Start by agreeing that you want a fair result and that you will both act fairly. Agree to communicate before doing anything that will affect the other spouse or the estate or the children. The goal here is to avoid surprises and upset, especially including things like closing accounts or starting legal actions. 

It takes a long time for things to settle down and for the spouses to work out a final agreement. Meanwhile, you have to arrange for the support of two households on the same old income, the parenting of minor children, making payments on mortgages and debts, and so on. 

It will work better if your temporary arrangements are put in writing. If you have trouble working this out, use techniques and resources discussed below.

 

e.   Slow down, take some time: If you can make your situation safe and stable for a while, you don't have to be in a hurry. 

Think of divorce as an illness or an accident; it really is a kind of injury, and it takes time to heal. You have to go slow and easy, be good to yourself. Some very important work goes on during this slowdown.

 

f.    Get information and advice: First, organize your facts, records and documents. 

You'll want lists of assets, deeds, statements, account numbers, income and expense information, tax returns and wage stubs. Get information from your records and from your accountant, from recent tax returns, and from your spouse. 

Spouses should have a full and open exchange of information: it helps to build trust and confidence, and, in many states, it's the law, so you might as well just go ahead and do it. If information is not exchanged freely outside of the legal system, you will probably end up in court with attorneys doing very expensive discovery work. 

Next, learn the rules for divorce in your state as they apply to your case. You especially want to know how predictable the outcome would be if your facts were taken before a judge. 

Be very careful where you get advice. Your friends and relatives will be a fountain of free advice, but don't take it--the price is too high if they're wrong. They mean well, but probably don't know what they're talking about. Use your friends for emotional support, but take advice only from an attorney who specializes in divorce. Don't take advice from paralegals or people who run typing services; they're not trained for it.

 

g.   Focus on needs and interests; don't take positions yet: A position is a stand on a final outcome: "I want the house sold and the children every weekend." 

In the beginning, there's too much upset and too little information to decide what you want for an outcome. Taking a position is bad negotiating--it's an invitation to an argument: the other side either agrees or they disagrees and you're in an argument rather than a discussion. 

It's better to think and talk in terms of needs and interests. These are your basic concerns: "I need to know I'll have enough to live on. I want a good relationship with my children. I want an end to argument and upset." 

When put this way, these are subjects that you and your spouse can discuss together.

 

h.   Stick with short-term solutions: Concentrate on short-term solutions to immediate problems like keeping two separate households afloat for a few months; keeping mortgages paid and cars from being repossessed; keeping children protected, secure, stable, in contact with both parents. These are things you can try to work on together.

 

i.    Minimize legal activity: You want to avoid any legal activity unless it is necessary--zero is best, or the minimum required to protect yourself or get your case started. 

Ideally, you will avoid retaining an attorney and you won't give your spouse any reason to retain an attorney.

 

j.    Get help if you need it: Consider counseling for yourself or your children. For help with talking to your spouse, consider couple counseling or go see a mediator. 

Mediators and counselors are low-conflict professionals who can help with emotional issues, defusing upset or, in the case of the mediator, with making agreements for your temporary arrangements. 

If you follow these steps, you'll be well on the way to working out your agreement.

 

8.            Protect your assets.   

One of these steps is to take possession of certain assets during separation, especially those assets you wish to be using, such as furniture and vehicles, and those assets that might be liquidated by your spouse, including precious gems and stones, other collectibles, cash, and bearer bonds.

Other protective measures you might consider in your divorce planning include: (1) protecting your own credit rating by freezing or closing joint cards and by blocking your spouse's access to other joint credit such as a home equity loan; (2) closing joint bank accounts and opening accounts in your own, individual name; (3) changing the name of the responsible party on utility and other bills; and (4) spending where possible your spouse's separate property first, marital property next, and your own separate property last.

9.            Remember that in many cases, you can modify your divorce decree in the future.

In the future, if your divorce decree is no longer fair to you, you can ask the court to modify your decree. The reality is that most courts will modify a divorce decree if the party can show that the circumstances of changed-such as a loss of income, a disability, or a remarriage by the party receiving support.

        10.            Prepare yourself for a happy life after divorce.

Life after divorce item 1:  Think about your emotional stability...if you wanted the divorce or not, you must fact it head on.

Divorce is tough and whether you're going through it or your are already past it, your emotional stability is of vital importance because you might tend to be somewhat touchy after going through an emotional ordeal. Keep in mind that your life after divorce can be great but you must admit that you will go through (or have gone through) a trying time in your life. Admitting this and facing your situation head on is important to your emotional stability and critical to you having a happy life after divorce.

 

Life after divorce item 2:  Look at the bright side, having life after divorce could be a new start for you.

How may times in your life do you wish you could have just started over knowing what you know now? If you answered "many", don't worry, that's a common thought most of us have. Having a positive mental attitude about your new beginning will make a huge difference in how happy your life will be after divorce. Life after divorce can be fantastic and it can also be very tough if you don't remain positive about a what's in front of you. Look at the glass as being "half full" and realize that, in order to be happy after divorce, you must take advantage of the opportunity to get a fresh start!

 

Life after divorce item 3:  Surround yourself with people you like in your free time.

Too often times people start new relationships with just about anyone because they are lonely while getting a divorce or after getting a divorce. Sparking a relationship, romantic or friendly, with anyone and everyone who will spend time with you can contribute to unhappiness in your life after divorce. Stop and think about the people that you spend time with and ask yourself, "Once my emotional turmoil has ended, would I really want to keep the relationship going with this person?". Life after divorce is tough...so, when you're deciding about divorce, going through one, or already have been through a divorce, make sure that you carefully choose who to spend your free time with or you may fall into more negativity in your life after divorce.

 

Life after divorce item 4:  Make it a point to spend time doing things that you like to do every week.

Make sure that you spend time enjoying your life after divorce - don't forget to 'stop and smell the roses'. Some people vent, work, go into hiding, or just plain go haywire after getting a divorce and their subsequent life after divorce isn't as healthy as possible. At least once a week, take the time to go and do something that you really enjoy doing...it will help you deal with your life after divorce in a more pleasing manner.

 

Life after divorce item 5:  Set specific goals and implement a plan to achieve those goals.

Life after divorce is a tumultuous time, your life can seemingly be 'in the balance'. In order to make sure that you feel good about yourself and enjoy the feeling that accomplishment brings, think about a goal or set of goals that you've always had but never attained. Then, prioritize those goals and devise a plan to obtain them, one by one. Implement each plan and be happy (in fact celebrate) once you've reached your goal. Your life after divorce will be markedly better and healthier if you take this concept to heart and follow it.

Visualizing your life after divorce (and thinking about what your life might be like after divorce) is a sound and logical thing to do in order to be happy after divorce. Your life after divorce does not need to be a continuation of the pain you might have gone through or are currently going through.

Life after divorce can be extremely liberating if you act based on logic plus positive emotions rather than negativity. If divorce is eminent or you've already been through divorce, take the time to actually plan your life after divorce.